Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
