I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Randomize
