Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
