ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
