____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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