the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
