how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
