is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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