We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
