Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
