I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
