please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
