we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My liver just had a heart attack.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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