i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
