I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
it's like heaven, but drunker
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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