so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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