Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
