Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
