I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
