He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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