Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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