I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
