every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
