McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
