I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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