I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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