Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just high enough for therapy.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize