i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
