haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
