A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
