had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
