her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
