the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
my liver is dry heaving
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
