Non-Jews are for practice
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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