Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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