I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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