I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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