Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
