I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
