when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
