Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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