my phone needs a breathalizer
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
