My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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