It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
