now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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