Don't make out with my wife yet
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
