Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
