I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
