Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You're like the curious george of whores
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
