worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
