ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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