Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
