so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
