Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
