Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
