i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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