There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just had sex bonerless
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize