she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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