I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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