omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
