just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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